LOL, my phone just autocorrected “I’m fine” to “send snacks.”

BRB, arguing with my alarm clock. Again.

TBH, my bed and I are in a serious relationship.

ETA on my motivation: still loading.

IDK what I’m doing, but I’m doing it with confidence.

OMG, is it Friday yet? Asking for my sanity.

NGL, I read your text and forgot to reply for three days.

SMH, I opened the fridge again like new food would appear.

TMI: I talk to my plants more than I talk to people.

FYI, my coffee is the real boss of this house.

BTW, I’m not late. I’m on Pluto time.

ASAP means “as soon as possible,” but for me it means “after snacks and pillows.”

IKR, Mondays should come with a refund policy.

TTYL, my couch is calling.

JK, I’m never joking about pizza.

IRL, I’m quiet. In the group chat, I’m a comedian.

FOMO hit me when I saw your tacos. Send some.

LMK if you find my motivation. Last seen in January.

NVM, I found my phone. It was in my hand.

G2G, my leftovers are lonely.

HMU when you’re ready to split the fries.

IYKYK: the last slice of pizza is never really free.

OMW, but first, one more song.

RN, my main goal is a nap.

WYD? Because I’m doing absolutely nothing and it’s going great.

ICYMI: I still haven’t answered that email.

DND: I’m in a very important staring-at-the-wall meeting.

AFK, touching grass. Just kidding, I’m getting a snack.

OOO. My brain checked out at noon.

TL;DR: I need coffee.

FWIW, my sofa has better manners than most people.

IMHO, breakfast should be served all day.

AFAIK, socks disappear in the dryer on purpose.

TGIF! My inbox can finally stop yelling at me.

YOLO, so I ordered dessert first.

FTW, whoever invented pajamas.

BOGO is my favorite love language.

GOAT status unlocked: I parallel parked on the first try.

POV: you said “one episode” and it’s 2 a.m.

SMH at my brain for replaying an awkward moment from 2011 at 3 a.m.

NBD, I only cried a little at the dog video.

BFF: Best Friend Fed me.

ROFL, I just walked into a glass door with total confidence.

LOL, my bank account just left the chat.

TBF, I did say I’d start tomorrow. Tomorrow just keeps moving.

IDC about the plan as long as there are snacks.

NP, I’ll carry all the grocery bags in one trip. Watch me.

TIA for pretending my parallel parking was perfect.

BYOB: Bring Your Own Blanket for movie night.

DIY project update: I watched a video. That counts.

PSA: your phone is at 1%. You’re welcome.

TBD: dinner plans. Everyone is “fine with anything.” Nobody is.

RSVP: yes, but only if there’s cake.

EOD stands for “Emergency Order of Dessert.”

TLC is what my Wi-Fi needs right now.

OTP: One Tired Person, reporting for duty.

WFH: Working From Hammock. In my dreams.

HBD to me. Yes, I’m buying my own cake.

LDR: Long-Distance Relationship with my bed since 6 a.m.

BRT, walking to the kitchen. Please hold.

ABT time for a snack break.

B4 you ask, yes, I ate the last cookie.

W8, let me pretend I didn’t see your text.

2day I’m running on coffee and good vibes.

GR8 news: I found my keys. They were in my hand.

L8R, I’ll be productive. Promise.

THX for the reminder. I’ll ignore it professionally.

PLZ send memes. I need emotional support.

SRY I’m late. My GPS and I had a disagreement.

CYA, I’m going to bed at 9 p.m. like a champion.

GN, world. I’m turning my brain off now.

BTS of my day: 12 tabs open and no idea why.

ILY, but I love my Wi-Fi a little more.

MYOB, said my cat, staring at me.

JIC you forgot, I’m right about this.

JW, does anyone else talk to their smart speaker like a coworker?

DAE cry at commercials? Just me? Cool.

FR, that nap was better than my whole week.

FYI, “I’m five minutes away” means I haven’t left the house.

HIFW the pizza arrives early: pure joy.

ILY more than words can say.

BFF means Best Friends Forever, and I mean every letter.

TY for always showing up when it matters.

TYSM for believing in me when I didn’t.

IMU. Distance is only a number, and my heart knows the way.

LOML: you make every day feel lighter.

OMW to you, because home is wherever you are.

GL today! I know you’ve got this.

TIA for your patience. It means the world to me.

NRN, but you should know I’m proud of you.

TLC for the soul: a hug, a laugh, and a good friend.

RUOK? I’m here if you want to talk.

B4N, my friend. Take care until I see you again.

IRL or online, you’re the best friend anyone could ask for.

LMK if you need anything. I’m always here for you.

GTG, but I’ll be thinking of you all day.

TTYL, and thanks for being my safe place.

HBU? I care about how you’re really doing.

FYI, you make the world a kinder place.

TBH, you’re one of the best things that ever happened to me.

IMO, you’re stronger than you think.

BTW, I’m so proud of you.

IYKYK: some friendships feel like home.

ICYMI: you are loved, valued, and enough.

DM me anytime. I’ll always make time for you.

PTB: Please text back. I miss you.

BRB, but my heart stays right here with you.

AFK doesn’t mean I’ve stopped caring about you.

OOO from work, but never out of love for you.

DND: taking time to rest and recharge. I’ll be back soon.

NBD, we’ll get through this together.

NP at all. That’s what friends are for.

WBU? I’d love to hear about your day.

SO means Significant Other, but you’re my whole world.

LTR goals: laugh often, love deeply, and never stop trying.

DTR: yes, I choose you every day.

ILYSM, and I mean it more each day.

LYSM, always and forever.

MVP of my life: that’s you.

GOAT of moms: Greatest Of All Time at loving me.

FAM means the people who love you no matter what.

HMU when you need a friend. I’ll answer.

GN and sweet dreams. Tomorrow is a fresh start.

GM, sunshine! Today is full of good things.

TGIF, but with you, every day feels like a weekend.

IDK how I got so lucky, but I’m grateful for you.

SMH at how fast time flies. Let’s make every moment count.

FOMO fades when I’m with you. You’re all I need.

YOLO, so let’s love hard and laugh often.

POV: you’re my favorite person in every room.

GR8 friends are rare. Thanks for being one.

THX for being my sunshine on cloudy days.

PLZ remember: you are more than enough.

L8R, but never goodbye. Friends like us stay close.

2gether we can handle anything.

B4 you, I didn’t know friendship could feel this good.

4ever grateful for your love and support.

SRY for the hard times. I’ll do better, and I’ll always be here.

W8, before you go, I want you to know how much you matter.

ABT us: I’m so thankful for every moment.

RN, all I feel is gratitude for you.

EOD or not, I’ll always have time for you.

ETA to a better day: soon. Hang in there.

ASAP: sending you love, strength, and a big hug.

IMHO, kindness is always the right answer.

AFAIK, you’re one of the good ones.

FWIW, you make a difference every day.

TBA: many more memories together.

TBD, but I’m sure it will be great with you by my side.

JIC no one told you today: you matter.

TL;DR: you are loved, and you are enough.

BTS of every good day is people like you.

DIY hope: build your own sunshine, and I’ll help.

PSA: you deserve rest, joy, and love.

BOGO hugs today: one from me, one from everyone who loves you.

RSVP: I’ll always show up for you.

OTP: One True Pal. That’s you.

LOL with you is my favorite way to spend a day.

NVM the small stuff. You’ve got this.

IRL hugs are the best, so see you soon.

IKR? We really do have the best friendship.

FR, you are one of a kind.

TYT: Take Your Time. I’ll wait for you.

KIT: Keep In Touch, because you matter to me.

WYD this weekend? I miss our talks.

HBD! May your cake be big and your worries small.

HBD to my BFF. You’re the GOAT of good times.

HBD! Another year older, but you’re still a GR8 person.

TGIB: Thank Goodness It’s Birthday! Let’s celebrate.

HBD, and ETA for cake: right now.

OMG, it’s your day! HBD and enjoy every second.

Happy Anni! ILY more than ever.

LOML, another year with you feels like a dream.

2gether since day one, and 4ever to go. Happy anniversary!

TBH, every year with you is my favorite year.

LTR goals achieved: you and me, always.

OMG, congrats! I’m so proud of you.

GRATZ on your big win. You earned it!

FTW! Your hard work paid off.

GG, you did it. On to the next level!

Kudos and cheers. Nobody deserves this more.

GM! Today is a new chance to shine.

GM, sunshine. Coffee first, then conquer the world.

RN, the day is full of possibility. Go get it!

ASAP: start your day with a smile.

GM! Rise, shine, and be kind.

GN! Rest well and dream big.

GN, sleep tight. See you in the morning.

TTYL, and sweet dreams.

BRB, going to dreamland. GN!

NN, my friend. Tomorrow is a fresh start.

GWS! Get well soon. We’re all thinking of you.

TLC is on the way. Feel better soon!

LMK if you need anything while you rest.

Rest up. The world can BRB while you heal.

Sending you hugs, soup, and good vibes. GWS!

TY! Your help meant more than you know.

TYSM for going above and beyond.

THX a million. You made my day.

TIA is nice, but TY after the fact is even better. Thank you!

MVP alert: thank you for everything.

Grad! You did it! So proud of you.

Congrats, grad. The future is yours.

GG on graduation. Time to start the next chapter.

OMG, you graduated! I knew you could do it.

FTW, graduate! The best is yet to come.

ILY both! Congrats on your engagement.

OMG, you’re getting married! So happy for you.

Happily ever after starts now. Congrats, newlyweds!

BFF for life. I’m so glad I get to celebrate with you.

LOML found. Wishing you a lifetime of love.

OMG, congrats on the new baby! So much love.

TLC and lots of sleep to the new parents. Congrats!

Welcome, baby! Your family is so lucky.

ETA for baby cuddles: I’m already on my way.

OMG, it’s Christmas! Wishing you joy and peace.

HNY! New year, new goals, new wins.

TY for being one of the things I’m most thankful for this Thanksgiving.

TGIT: Thank Goodness It’s Thanksgiving! Pass the pie.

FOMO can wait. Enjoy the holidays with the ones you love.

HNY, and YOLO. Make this year count.

BOGO wishes: joy for you and joy for everyone you love.

Halloween? BRB, buying more candy.

Happy 4th! ETA for fireworks: sundown.

NYE plans: TBD. But I’m in with you.

Thanksgiving TL;DR: eat, laugh, be thankful.

XOXO and happy holidays from my family to yours.

Happy V-Day, my love. ILY to the moon.

XOXO, and ILY to the moon and back.

BAE, you’re my favorite person. Happy Valentine’s Day.

DTR: I’m yours, and I’m all in.

BF or GF, you’re my everything.

Happy Mother’s Day to my forever favorite person. ILY, Mom!

Happy Father’s Day to the GOAT of dads.

TYSM, Mom, for all your love.

MVP of dads: thank you for always being there.

ILY, Mom and Dad. TY for everything.

FYI, the meeting is at 2 PM. Please arrive on time.

EOD: I’ll send the report by end of day.

OOO until Monday. I’ll reply when I return.

ETA for your order: 10 AM to 12 PM today.

TBA soon: our new product launch.

ICYMI: our sale ends tonight.

NRN: no reply needed. Just a quick update.

TIA for your help on this project.

WIP: sharing my work in progress. Feedback welcome.

TY for choosing us. Your support means everything.

SRY, I was wrong. Can we talk?

GL on your new job! You’ll do great.

Happy retirement! OOO forever, and you earned every day.